Letting GO...Letting God

Ok, so those of you who read the word God, run and hide.  That word, for many, means death and condemnation.  I use the term God like someone else uses the term source, creator, or universe.  It is all interchangeable and by no means am I trying to single anyone out.  I am trying to go beyond religion into a more spiritual space.   If you are willing to have an open mind then of course this blog could be for you, if not I wish you well on your travels.  I know you will find your way somehow.

In the past few weeks I have run into a brick wall.  I realized that I have been angry at God.  Angry at the source energy that created me, but more importantly angry at myself.  I am trying to run the show again.  Trying to wield my human axe and take names.  I found that I was getting heady and very full of myself.  Arrogant if you will.  I have ultimately been edging God out, or more appropriately, running with my friend the ego.

The way I found this out was by doing a significant self inventory.  You see I have been busy building a wall for the last 36 years a wall made up of the bricks of guilt, shame, fear, unforgiveness, disdain, selfishness, separation, pride, arrogance, embarrassment, and heartbreak all held together by the mortar of resentment.  I am a healer so carrying the weight of this wall causes me to fall considerably short of being able to heal anything.  It is said, you can't give away what you don't yourself already have.  Long story short I had health and healing but the seeds of fear, that insidiously crafty and most patient of emotions was lying in wait for me.  Waiting for a chance to infiltrate any cracks in my spiritual foundation.  It found a few.  Needless to say I began doing some pretty serious work.

I had begun by asking God to do work alongside of me.  It takes a miracle to dismantle behavior that you have no control over.  Admitting powerlessness over people, places, and things gets the ball rolling.   It is near impossible to create anything new by doing the same things over and over again and hoping for a change in outcome.  It ain't gonna happen!  We rely on ourselves to get us moving forward not realizing that all around us is a power greater than us orchestrating an amazing universe.  Remember the last time you were at the beach the awesome power of the tide and the wind.  The intense groundedness you felt in an ocean of salt, the cleanliness of your energy after having bathed in a body of water that supports all manner of life forms?  Did a dude create that?  Nah, no dude that I can conceive of.

My point.  There is a power amidst us that is so much more intelligent and benevolent.  It creates and runs the show on our behalf.   Ask a physicist about the awe she feels in the presence of the atom and all of those forces that work behind the scenes to keep matter at its smallest form working in perfect harmony.  What human can even do that?  I don't know about you, but for me trying to remember that the garbage goes out on Monday is hard enough.

Anyway, back to the post.  I began pulling and dismantling this wall of fear, hurt, and resentments.  I again realized that I need something bigger than life to believe in; something along the lines of miracles.  And it gets better.  Miracles do happen!  You just have to let them in.  You have to surrender.  A concept so alien to humanity at large.  We have been taught for thousands of years that surrender is defeat, that only the strong survive, that there is weakness in admitting defeat.  Well here goes, I surrender!  I admit that I cannot possibly create a solution to a problem I have created because obviously I don't have the elevated consciousness yet to live in the solution since I am too keen on dwelling in the problem.  Does this make me flawed?  No, it makes me human.  It makes me have to get on my knees and realize that if I keep being angry at myself for certain things, I am going to keep myself separate and miserable.

The only way back to wholeness and healing is to love yourself into alignment.  To begin to accept even the darkness that is a part of you.  We are multi-faceted people we are capable of feeling, and choosing and being. We are even so blessed as to believe we are worthless.  Yet there is one thing that can make us whole again and that is simply having faith in something that is bigger than our problems.  I know off hand that when my problems get "big" I can't think myself out of the box I'm in.  I have to get on my knees. I have to ask for help and I have to believe that help is coming. Most importantly, I have to get the hell out of my own way.  I am not going to generate solutions through unwillingness.  You get free, and stay free, when and only when you have the willingness to transform your life.

The walls we create are scary and yet they are designed by a part of us that has become the victim of  beliefs that were instilled in us through teachings handed down by men of long ago.  These teachings are telling us that we are separate from our source; separate and even despised by the very power that created us.  I for one cannot believe this anymore.  I believe that we are all source energy, God energy, universal energy.  Did you catch that?  In fact all of us have the gift to elevate our world, by singing our soul song with love and joy through gratitude and humility.  The message here is think more about God, less about your problems.  Think more about love, think more about joy and health and allow yourself to transform.  Let God do for you what you cannot begin to do for yourself.

Until next time...Be well